Through the 'RubberAss'
by DiscordantDragon
Summary: I know it's a rather strange title and you must be curious...so why not read my lil fic and find out what it has to do with anything! Please?
1. Prologue

Through the 'Rubber-Ass'

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A/N: Born of the thought what would happen if my friends and I were some how transported in to the "Harry Potter" world. Not exactly Mary Sue but is self-insertion and that's different right? Give it a chance in any case!

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Disclaimer: I do not own the concept, the books, the movies or the franchise/merchandise of "Harry Potter and co." There is no profit being made from this fic save the entertainment value to my friends, myself and hopefully you the readers!

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Prologue

In a grassy clearing five girls sat in a circle chanting softly. A soft gentle breeze swirled around them carrying a few dry leaves. Around the girls there were several shiny black stones positioned in the outline of a pentagram. Each girl sat in a separate section with a different object in front of her.

In the first section a tiny little Asian girl sat with three sticks of lavender incense that filled the entire grove with it's heady scent. Her eyes were closed dark delicate eyelashes rested on smooth caramel coloured cheeks. Her short black hair was ruffled slightly from the wind and she tucked a bit behind her ear with one tiny hand. She opened her dark eyes and they were glowing an eerie yellow. 

Next to her an athletic looking girl, also Asian, murmured and a small wreath of brightly coloured red and orange flowers floated before her. The wreath of flowers twirled wildly in the air darting every which way. Separating slowly they brushed against her face and teased strands of her dark silky hair before drifting softly away with the wind.

In the third section a small girl with milky pale complexion and luminescent blue eyes whispered gently into the bowl of water before her. The surface rippled before it solidified and rose from the bowl. The solitary stream of crystal clear water danced around her, making her bright copper hair fly wildly in the air then returned to the bowl from whence it came.

Dark hair with wild green tips framed the face of another petite Asian girl. Reflected in her black eyes were flickering green flames, contained by an earthen bowl and fuelled by Black Magic. Face blank, the girl took a delicate athame with a wicked looking blade and carved a symbol into her wrist. The crimson blood ran down her arm and dripped in to the bowl in front of her.

The last Asian girl, tall slim and pretty, stood up holding a wand aloft in the air. It was wrapped in brightly coloured threads and had a quartz crystal set in each end. She twirled it expertly around her body and a pure white aura pulsed around her. Shaking dark hair from dark eyes she stilled suddenly and there was absolute silence, even the wind had abated.

"Well that went well…nothing happened. Are you sure you did that right Janette?" The second girl spoke up.

"Shut up Nenita!" Replied Janette still standing with the wand in hand.

"Well she has a point you know…" Green tips retorted in Nenita's defence.

"Opsie! The Fairy Queen Tanyita thinks this spell went Kablewy!" The random thoughts of Tanya, the first girl, were spoken aloud.

"Way to state the obvious Tan Tan." Blue eyes rolled in exasperation. 

"Hayley-Beer mean!" Retorted Tanya.

"Yeah and Janette's incompetent!"

"Shut up Sarah!" Janette yelled frustrated.

"Gonna make me net-face?" Black eyes glittered mischievously.

"If you don't shut up I'm gonna tear out the ridiculous green hair of yours Sarah!" Nenita commented irritably.

"Hey! My hair doesn't look ridiculous!" Sarah cried offended while patting the said green hair as if to reassure her self.

"Yes it's very…unique! Just like you!" Hayley tried to appease Sarah's sense of style. 

"Sarah is speeeeecial!" Tanya giggled.

"Oh piss off you bother some fairy!" Sarah snapped.

While the girls continued to squabble amongst themselves a bright vortex began to appear above them, undetected. The wind rose and began to howl in its intensity causing debris to fly wildly about the small grove. Swirling lights of blue hues continued to spread above the ground until it was large enough to encompass the entire clearing. This of course caught the attention of the spell casters. They stood motionless and silent staring up at their creation.

"Huh. Well I guess it worked after all." Nenita commented flippantly. 

"Shut up Nenita!" Chorused four voices.

"Sooo…What now?" Hayley ventured.

"Dunno. You got any ideas net-face?" Sarah asked casually.

"Um…no not really." Came the meek reply.

"Oh great so we summon this great big ass portal and then we don't know what to do with it? Gee that's just swell!" Ranted Nenita.

Again the girls were distracted from noticing a small book being picked up by the supernatural winds. It was carried away and disappeared into the portal. That's when the trembling in the ground began. 

"Did anyone else feel that?" 

Don't be paranoid hay-WHAT the HELL was that?" Sarah cut herself off in mid sentence as the ground gave another great shudder. The panic was clear in her voice.

"Oh yeah paranoid my ass Sarah!" Hayley snapped as all five girls struggled to keep their footing.

"What do we do? What do we do?" Nenita shrieked repetitively.

"Calm down! Just calm down! Breath! Think! Don't panic! Don't panic just think calmly and logically and oh SCREW this! PANIC!" Janette ranted to herself although her comments assured no one.

"What the fuck do we do? Janette this is all your fault! Your idea! Your spell! Your STUPID portal! Now look! See what your disrespect for the Earth has caused?! I knew it! I warned you from the start…" Tanya began screaming accusations but was cut off as the light from the swirling vortex became unbearably bright.

"Uh oh."

"We're in shit."

"Deep shit."

With that said 5 stray particle beams that oddly enough resembled lightning, each shot down to a figure below and the girls were promptly sucked in to the portal, which immediately closed in on itself. The winds abated and the small clearing was still, silent and empty. The girls had vanished, leaving only the shiny black stones in the shape of a pentagram and evidence of their presence. 

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A/N: Review please! Tell me if that was to confusing!


	2. Chapter One

Through the 'Rubber-Ass'

**A/N:** Born of the thought what would happen if my friends and I were some how transported in to the "Harry Potter" world. Not exactly Mary Sue but is self-insertion and that's different right? Give it a chance in any case! The name of the fic is kind of strange I know but don't worry it will make sense eventually!!! I promise!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the concept, the books, the movies or the franchise/merchandise of "Harry Potter and co." There is no profit being made from this fic save the entertainment value to my friends, myself and hopefully you the readers!

Chapter One 

Harry, Ron and Hermione sat in the Great Hall waiting as the Sorting Hat sang. The boys fidgeted impatiently each wanting this years sorting to be over so they could eat. Hermione on the other hand listened attentively to what the Hat had to say.

"Listen everyone new and old 

_And I'll sing you a story never told._

_Enchantments, Myths and Legends tragic,_

_All reveal a long forgotten magick._

_One without wands or incantation,_

_No charms, no arithmacy or transfiguration._

_Whatever it is that you wish,_

_You shall be able to accomplish._

_You only need focus your Mind, Body and Soul_

_And channel them towards achieving your goal._

_Remember the old Purebloods might._

_Before the Darkness in times of Light,_

_When those of traditions still held true._

_Alas amongst us they are now but few._

_Only the Pureblood Clan Lords know_

_But bound are they and unable to show_

_The true nature of ones inner magickal core_

_Long forgotten to those unlearned in ancient lore._

_But times are coming when they must share_

_Or fall will the world in to despair._

_Muggleborn witches and wizards will find_

_This magick makes equal your kind._

_So this year again I impart to you_

_Unite in this end fight you must do._

_To win the Dark War that is coming_

_The Slytherin full of ambition and cunning_

_And Gryffindor brave and chivalrous_

_Join those quick-witted Ravenclaw so righteous,_

_With Hufflepuff the hardworking and loyal._

_Stand together through danger and toil_

_To rediscover the magick of the old ways._

_Remember to trust each other in up coming days._

_Make the four founders of Hogwarts proud_

_By keeping the friendship the originally found."_

There was only a smattering of applause through the Great Hall. Most of the students and even some of the Professors looked extremely confused at the Sorting Hat's song. Dumbledore, however, was quite enthusiastic in his appreciation. 

McGonagall quickly recovered from her shock and started calling names from her list. One by one the nervous first years were sorted in to their Houses. While this was happening three certain Gryffindors were having a whispered conversation about the Sorting Hat's song.

"Well I can guess where Hermione's gonna be after the feast tonight." Ron commented to Harry with an over dramatic sigh.

"Oh yeah I can feel another one of those 'Study Projects' coming up." He replied in a tone suggested he had resigned himself to his fate.

"Oh shut up you two! Like you aren't curious either! I've never heard of anything like this before! A different _type _of magic? It's unbelievably exciting! Just think this could be used to our advantage! Especially in the fight against You-Know…Voldemort!"

"Yeah but at what expense? Asking Malfoy to teach it to us?" Ron replied full of sarcasm.

"How do you figure that?" Harry asked curiously.

"The Hat said old Purebloods would remember it, those that follow the 'Old Ways'. All of the kids from those type of families are usually sorted in to Slytherin. They're the ones from the High Clans. The Malfoy are the most powerful. Followed by Zabini, Parkinson, Nott, Rosier, Goyle, Wilkes and Montague and the like. Even so there's no guarantee that they even learnt it."

"Wow Ron you sounded just like Hermione!"

"What about you family Ron? Your part of an old Pureblood family?" Hermione asked after giving Harry a rather menacing glare.

Before Ron could reply to her question the Sorting was over and Dumbledore had rose to give his annual welcome back speech.

"Welcome all, whether this be your first year, your last year or just somewhere in between. I have a few announcements before we commence the feasting. This Year as usual the Forbidden Forest is still forbidden and that means to ALL students. Mr. Filch has added some new items to list of items prohibited on Hogwarts grounds and the eastern turret is restricted to all students. Detentions will be handed out and points will be deducted if anyone is found lurking near. With that said I only have to say…eat up my pretties!"

Before the last word was even out of the Headmasters mouth a huge whirling portal of light appeared in the center on the Great Hall above the student's heads. Staring in wonder and fear the students froze, although some of the braver Gryffindors pointed and murmured curiously.

"It's Him! It's Voldemort! I know it is!" Harry whispered insistently to Ron and Hermione. 

Before either of them could reply the portal began to intensify. Fierce winds rose from around it, carrying anything from cutlery and plates to various paintings and ornaments. The students began to panic and the deafening screaming began.

"Children! Calm down and remain inside the Great Hall! Please take cover underneath the Tables!" Dumbledore's orders boomed above the howling winds.

Bolts of lightning struck out across the Hall completely obliterating everything it touched, from walls to paintings to furniture. Then from inside the portal five screaming figures were expelled across the room. Immediately after their expulsion the portal closed in on its self and vanished, leaving the Great Hall in a mess, the occupants confused and the five figures bleeding and unconscious. 

As they had come flying out of the portal two had slammed in the walls with a sickening crunch on opposite sides of the Hall. They slumped down the walls brokenly leaving streaks of blood in their trail until they reached the ground where they lay unconscious. The deep red a startling contrast to the dull gray stone.

Another crashed in to the Professors table sending splintered wood and professors alike flying backwards from the impact. While the other smacked in to the cold unforgiving stone floor, skidded a couple of meters before lying still.

The last figure had shot out of the portal on the tail end of a fork of lightning. Around the place the figure had struck a tiny network of hairline cracks were visible. A pool of crimson was rapidly spreading out wards, like an oil spill at sea.

There was silence as the entire Hall stopped in shock. No one moved and then Dumbledore stood and it was like the whole room burst in to a frenzy of action. Madame Pomfrey took charge and ordered those with the knowledge to help the injured students and directed them all to the Hospital wing. While those who were able helped uncover their housemates, shifting debris that had been thrown around by the gale force winds.

The Head of Houses busied themselves directing the students and making sure those injured were tended to. The remaining Professors tried to salvage what they could of the furniture transfiguring scrap wood in to chairs, tables and what not as well as repairing the walls and paintings. 

Dumbledore cautiously approached the first figure, tiny girl he realized. She was lying sprawled amongst the remainders of the Head table. He waved his wand and the debris vanished leaving the girl hovering slightly before him. She was scratched and bruised but other than that unharmed. He directed a Ravenclaw Prefect, Padma Patil, who was nearby to take her to the Hospital wing and have her patched up. 

"It might be wise to stay with her until she wakes. It's likely she'll be quite confused when she does and it'll be a comfort for her to have a friendly face to explain where she is." He made sure the Ravenclaw understood that he didn't think she was a danger before sending him off.

Next he moved towards the Gryffindor table where one of the figures had impacted against the wall. He wasn't at all surprised to see Harry standing over the unconscious figure with obvious suspicion. The boy had become extremely paranoid, as he grew older. Not that he blamed him really after all he'd been through at such a young age. Still it was slightly annoying especially when he had told all of the students to stay clear until he had assessed whether or not they were a threat.

It also didn't surprise him that Hermione was trying to get Harry to move away. What did surprise him however was the fact that Ron was also telling Harry leave. Shaking his head he stepped up behind the three Gryffindors and clearly his throat. To his amusement all three of them jumped in shock. Ignoring their excuses he sent them on their way and knelt beside the body on the ground. 

"Hmm. Another girl…" He murmured to himself. Considering the trail of blood on the wall he guessed she had some internal bleeding. Quickly conjuring a stretcher he levitated her on to in and sent her off to the medical ward under the care of another student giving the same instructions he gave the Ravenclaw Prefect.

As he hurriedly moved on to the next, also a girl, he motioned to the Prefect Blaise Zabini to take the girl, he assumed, that hit the wall on the Slytherin side to the Medical ward also. Carefully he turned the pale girl so she was lying on her back. She was deathly white but he wasn't sure if it were natural or because of blood loss. She had a nasty slash on her head and several scrapes on her side where she had slid along the stone floor. 

He directed a 6th year Hufflepuff boy, Ernie Macmillan, he knew to have skills in healing to take care of her wounds. Watching him briefly to make sure the girl would be all right he then turned to see to the last girl. After assessing her injuries he quickly took her to Madame Pomfrey. She was by far the worst off. Having been slammed in to the stone floor by a mystical portal mustn't have been pleasant but to be struck by mystical lightning from said portal as well? She was lucky to be alive. 

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